Friday, April 24, 2009

Urgent Memo to the Young Generation

Dear young people of the 21st century,

There is much I admire about you. You have a zeal and passion for life that is severely lacking in generations of old. You value being real, honest, and pursuing quality relationships with people. You're sick of settling for tradition just for the sake of tradition. You want to know WHY things are the way they are! These are healthy, admirable traits, that if used properly, will help you go far, achieve much, and enable you to give back to a society that is starved for authenticity. However, if I may be forthright for a moment, I have one humble request: stop popping your freaking shirt collars!!!

Incase anyone has not yet told you, let me respectfully cut to the chase: Popping your collars makes you look stupid and ill-equipped to handle the rigors of real life. And you can forget about ever being taken seriously in job interviews. When I see you dressed this way in public, I don't know whether to slap you or give you a helmet. As a nine year old back in 1989 (yes, some of you were not yet even born), I recall watching a scene from Back to the Future Part II, in which Marty is trying to fit in fashion-wise while visiting the year 2015. Doc tells him to turn his pants pockets inside out because "all kids in the future wear their pockets inside out." This scene was especially funny because I thought about how absurd that looked in the film and felt quite confident that our culture would never move in that sort of direction.

We totally don't need our moms to dress us anymore...

Well, here we are now, just six years from 2015 and here you are thinking you're all enlightened because you refuse to make proper use of the natural folds at the tops of your shirts. If your name begins with Dracula or Elvis Presley (or if you are one of those cool Dilophosaurus "spitter" dinosaurs from Jurassic Park) then you can get away with this ridiculous look. But seeing as you are clearly not one of the aforementioned exceptions, please fold down your shirt collars like the rest of humanity and we will forget that this silly experiment ever took place. Thank you.

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